Review: Karen Elizabeth Gordon's The Transitive Vampire and The Well-Tempered Sentence

Yep, I've got some catching up to do after taking a week off. I was out of town a few days, then thought I'd just wait 'til today . . . .

Two good reference books are Karen Elizabeth Gordon's The Transitive Vampire and The Well-Tempered Sentence. The first covers all aspects of grammar and the first all aspects of punctuation. Both explain their subjects well and include gothicky, hilarious examples analagous to Edward Gorey's animations that begin episodes of PBS' "Mystery!"

Copyediting and Sentence Combining

Copyediting includes deleting words in individual sentences to make them more concise, but sometimes it's helpful to combine sentences when the thoughts are close enough.

1. "It's been over six months since Hurricane Ike devastated our island. And with it, our homes, our businesses and our lives--all turned as topsy-turvy as the contents of our dwellings when the floodwaters subsided."

It's been over six months since Hurricane Ike devastated our island and with it our homes, our businesses, and our lives--all turned as topsy-turvy as the contents of our dwellings when the floodwaters subsided.


2. "In that time, we've seen remarkable changes occur, the result of the remarkable spirit of generostiy and neighborliness that represents the best of us humans. From the very beginning, with the army of boom trucks that descended upon us from, literally, all over the United States, to help begin to untangle the snarled chaos that had been our electrical grid, to the throng of young people here from various schools and churches during their Spring Break to help us clean up."

In that time, we've seen remarkable changes occur, the result of the remarkable spirit of generosity and neighborliness that represents the best of us humans from the very beginning, with the army of boom trucks that descended upon us from, literally, all over the United States, to help begin to untangle the snarled chaos that had been our electrical grid, to the throng of young people here from various schools and churches during their Spring Break to help us clean up.

3. "And yet it is just that--the impermanence of things, change--that I want to discuss as we move towards the creation of our own authentic homes. Because Ike has given us the perfect opportunity to rearrange our homes, our lives, ourselves into new arrangements and patterns that suit us more."

And yet it is just that--the impermanence of things, change--that I want to discuss as we move towards the creation of our own authentic homes, because Ike has given us the perfect opportunity to rearrange our homes, our lives, ourselves in to new arrangements and patterns that suit us more.

Active Verbs, Adjectives, and Conciseness

We can make sentences more concise through using active verbs and adjectives. Here are some examples . . . and non-chain store names and other names have been changed.

1. "At Morgan Tile you won't find anything that is normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique."

At Morgan Tile you won't find anything normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique.

2. "Their focus is on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as the block panel or wallpaper tile."

They focus on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as block panel or wallpaper tile.

3. "The team of Morgan Tile puts first and foremost upscale design and products and wants to make sure all products in your home reflect their motto--creating great design."

The Morgan Tile team puts upscale design and products first and foremost to make sure your home reflects their motto--creating great design.

4. "A period parlor is complemented with tied-back lace curtains; recently milled window frames are indistinguishable from original."

Tied-back lace curtains complement a period parlor; recently milled window frames remain indistinguishable from original.

5. "This is extremely helpful in the instance you become lost or have an emergency."

This is extremely helpful in case you become lost or have an emergency.

6. "One of these brought in the home or left in a vehicle can begin to decay and smell horribly after a short time."

One of these brought into a house or left in a vehicle soon can begin to decay and smell horribly.

7. "Fred Brown, an architect from South Carolina famous for many award winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italianate."

Fred Brown, a South Carolina architect famous for many award-winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italinate.

8. "An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry located at the front of the home and direct access to the front porch, providing an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax."

An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry at the home's front door and direct front porch access, provides an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax.

9. "There is no better way to celebrate the rebirth of Galveston than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by the hands of our own Galvestonian trade."

There is no better way to celebrate Galveston's rebirth than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by Galvestonians.

10. "The homes are between 2,000 and 2,300 and offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards."

The 2,000-to-2,300 feet homes offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards.

Book Review: Writing About Your Life by William Zinsser

William Zinsser's Writing About Your Life: A Journey into the Past gives us permission to write about ourselves without limiting us to our memoirs or what we might stereotypcally think of as memoirs. He does devote one chapter to memoirs as a genre, but essentially takes that genre apart, focusing on the different aspects and experiences of life--people, school, travel, work, etc.--on which we can draw for material in a way that makes those experiences not just material but a way to connect to our readers on a basic level of common humanity, a basic level of friendship. The tone of the book reinforces that as he writes with characteristic comforting, reassurance, and encouragement.

Note

Zinsser, William. Writing About Your Life: A Journey into the Past. New York: Marlowe & Company, 2004.

Friday Quiz--Copyedit For Conciseness

Copyedit the following for conciseness:

1. "The first year that Mardi Gras was celebrated on a grand scale in Galveston was 1871, with the emergence of two rival Mardi Gras societies, or "krewes": the Nights of Momus (known only by the initials "K.O.M.") and the Knights of Myth, both of which devised night parages, masked balls, exquisite costumes and elaborate invitations."

2. "South Padre Island, the premier beach resort on the Texas coast, is just minutes from Harlingen."

3. "Experience the history and beauty of the Vatican through a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to view its extraordinary collections of art and historical objects, including many never before on view to the public."

4. "With Brownsville's variety of lodgings, we can accommodate any budget, location, need, or lifestyle."

5. "Drop by the Alpharetta Welcome Center in the heart of historic downtown for a glimpse into the charm and vitality of our city."

6. "Chamblee's Rose Nursery is a family business that has been producing fine quality roses from our Tyler location since 1953."

7. "It is a premier North American site that documents a continuous human presence on the South Plains for the last 12,000 years, along with many extinct large animals."

8. "Located on an early settler's homestead in historic Independence, Texas, the eight acre retail display garden is beautifully landscaped featuring romantic old garden roses, native plants, old-fashioned cottage garden perennials, herbs and a wildflower meadow."

9. "In 1977 Georgetown wsa the recipient of the Great American Main Street Award, the first Texas city to achieve this honor for revitalization of the downtown area."

10. "Overnight guests of Keswick Hall are awarded temporary membership into the private Keswick Club and have full access to its outstanding amenities."

Remember, for the first person to send in correct answers receives one free hour of copyediting anything except homework!

Repetition

Repetition in sentence construction isn't always bad--it happens in many poems and sometimes it is appropriate in prose, but sometimes it isn't, and that's when we need to pay attention to sentence variety.

"Located south of U.S. 80, you will discover the 100 year-old "Old Forney," containing numberous turn-of-the-century buildings and homes. Strolling through this historic area, you will savor the ambiance and romance of an earlier time. In downtown, The 1889 Farmers Bank block and the 1900 Knights of Pythias block house a variety of stores and businesses to discover. Nearby Center and Bois d' Arc streets are lined with elegant houses, built by the early hay and cotton barons. "Old Forney," many say, is the undiscovered "jewel" of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Don't miss it!"

Nearly every sentence in the above paragraph starts the same way. The repetition does not add anything to the information. The paragraph can be written with more sentence variety:

Drive south of U.S. 80 and you will discover the 100-year-old "Old Forney," containing numerous turn-of-the-century buildings. Stroll through this historic area and savor the ambiance and romance of an earlier time. Downtown provides a variety of stores and businesses to discover, particularly in the 1889 Farmers Bank block and 1900 Knights of Pythias block. Elegant houses, built by the early hay and cotton barrons, line nearby Center and Bois d' Arc streets. "Old Forney," many say, is the undiscovered "jewel" of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Don't miss it!

Problem Sentences

Here are some problem sentences; some needed more revision than others.

1. "Two restroom sites were also salvaged providing toilet and shower facilities."

Two restrooom sites providing toilet and shower facilities were also salvaged.

2. "Additionally, booths hosted hands on activities plus a petting zoo, a rock wall, mechanical bull rides and rides on the miniature train from the Railroad Museum were also available."

Additionally, booths hosted hands-on activities, and a petting zoo, a rock wall, mechanical bull rides, and rides on the miniature train from the Railroad Museum were also available.

3. "The cottage was surrounded by 4' of water during Ike, though sustained only minor damage, another tribute to its endurance."

The cottage's minor damage despite being surrounded by 4' of water during Ike serves as another tribute to its endurance.

4. Jon Doe "has researched its history, with documents and news clippings about its ownership; a single woman owned the home from 1924 into the 1960s, who originally purchased it for $2200."

Jon Doe has researched its history through documents and newsclippings about its ownership; a single woman, who originally purchased it for $2,200, owned the home from 1924 into the 1960s.

5. "So much in common with its sister next door, a freak May windstorm in 2005 brought both places to their knees, knocking them off their piers."

In 2005, a freak May windstorm knocked both houses off their piers.

6. "A colleague with whom I work has chosen to change the building materials in her living area as a result of Ike's passage."

One of my colleagues chose to change the building materials in her living area because of Ike's passage.

7. "Restored cabins on the rim of the canyon and in the Cow Camp area for overnight accommodations."

Guests can stay overnight in restored cabins near the canyon rim and in the Cow Camp.

8. "The Pratt Welcome Center and Gift Shop are where the Garden experience begins offering restroom facilities, meeting spaces, information, refreshments, great garden inspired gifts, and friendly docents."

The Garden experience begins at the Pratt Welcome Center and Gift Shop that offers friendly docents, information, great garden-inspired gifts, refreshments, meeting spaces, and restroom facilities.

9. "Currently there are 10 award winning beaches of which four can proudly fly the prestigious 'Blue Flag Award.'"

Four of our ten award-winning beaches proudly fly the prestigious 'Blue Flag Award.'

10. "Each time I drive past these facilities, I get excited knowing many generations of children will be impacted within the walls of these buildings."

Each time I drive past these facilities, I get exciting knowing that the activities within will influence generations of children.

Book Review--The Story of English

The Story of English by Robert McCrum, William Cran, and Robert MacNeil could very well be titled The Story of the Englishes, for they discuss the varieties of English existing even at the development of the language. The first three chapters focus on Engish at the time of the book's publication, then the early development of the language itself with the influence of Anglo-Saxon, Norse, and French, and the explosion of language during the sixteenth and seventeeth centuries, specifically siting Shakespeare's contributions. The suceeding chapters look at different forms of English (Scots, Irish, African-American, Austrailian), the continuing influence of American and English culture, then finishes with a consideration of the future of English.

This book was published in 1986, so some of the information is dated, including computer-related slang, but it still provides a detailed and well-written overview of the history of the English language, and readers will enjoy finding examples of their own region's speech, as I did in Dan Rather's description of dropping his regional accent for work and pronouncing ten with the standard pronunication instead of the regional tin.

Note

The Story of English. McCrum, Robert, William Cran, Robert MacNeil. New York: Viking, 1986.

Cohesion and Arrangement Problems

Sometimes the ideas, the sentences, are good, but are just not in the right order. These things will probably be noticeable on your first read of a text, though you are also noticing problems with spelling, grammar, syntax, etc., but save those for after you've taken care of the details. Then go back and analyze the ideas and their order and the sentences within each paragraph and their order and what that order does for and to the text. If the ideas cohere, no need to rearrange. But if some things are discussed before they should be, or after, or things seem out of place, or if ideas just don't fit together well within the larger thesis of the piece, you will have to rearrange things, or omit information, or perhaps tell the writer to add some more information if something is not explained thoroughly enough, or if, after necessary rearrangement, there is a need for a transition from one part of the idea to the next.

For example:

"Tropical plants have fascinated us for years. They have been brought from other hot and humid parts of the world tempting local gardeners to give them a try in their own gardens and indeed many will not only thrive but will flourish with a little effort and even gentle care.

Tropical flowers are blessed with their own unique beauty. Most are highly colorful, showy and bright and pink varieties seem to be the most popular. Tropical flowers grow best in well-drained areas with plenty of sunshine. Pink tropical plants for zone nine include . . . [chart follows]."

The first paragraph ends with information about the care that tropical plants need. The reader expects the next paragraph to pick up that idea and contain information on how to care for those plants. But it begins with how beautiful they are, and only gets to the growing needs in the third sentence. Some arrangement is necessary, and actually the two paragraphs can be combined:

Tropical plants have fascinated us for years. They have been brought from other hot and humid parts of the world, blessed with their own unique beauty and tempting local gardeners to give them a try in their own gardens. Most are highly colorful--showy and bright and pink varieties seem to be the most popular. Many will not only thrive but will flourish with a little effort and even gentle care. They grow best in well-drained areas with plenty of sunshine.

When editing for cohesion, remember that paragraphs and even sentences can be combined to make the ideas and the sentences fit correctly.

Punctuation Problems

Many punctuation problems are easy to fix--a sentence needs a comma and you add one, or a sentence doesn't need the comma and you omit it. There are also other situations where there is more than one way to fix a problem, and other situations where there isn't a problem, but there can be an improvement by a change in punctuation. Please see the examples below.



1. "The comfortable home is appointed with upholstered pieces of the period; his and hers chairs with finely carved wood trim in the front parlor room, mating tufted chaise lounges in a sitting room upstairs."

The comfortable home is appointed with upholstered pieces of the period: his and hers chairs with finely carved wood trim in the front parlor room, mating tufted chaise lounges in a sitting room upstairs.



2. "Be Safe on the Water is not just a catch phrase; it can be the difference between life and death."

Be Save on the Water is not just a catch phrase--it can be the difference between life and death.



3. "Very popular as a holiday gift plant the Kalanchoe blooms remain attractive through spring."

Very popular as a holiday gift plant, the Kalanchoe blooms remain attractive through spring.



4. "For nearly a thousand years this was both Minster Abbey and Minster parish church, but today it is one building."

For nearly a thousand years, this was both Minster Abbey and Minster parish church, but today it is one building.


5. "But the most obvious sign that summer is just around the corner, the lifeguard towers have been put back on the beach."

But the most obvious sign that summer is just around the corner--the lifeguard towers have been put back on the beach.



6. "So, if the layout of your rooms no longer suits you - if you had a formal living room and an adjacent formal dining room pre-Ike, but you and your family prefer - are more comfortable with - a large informal gethering space, consider making a change."

So if the layout of your rooms no longer suits you, if you had a formal living room and an adjacent formal dining room pre-Ike but you and your family prefer--are more comfortable with--a large, informal gathering place, consider making a change.



7. "The reverse image of its sister's stairwell graces the center of the house, this one decorated with a large multi-colored stained glass window, on which sash weights and cables have been replaced."

The reverse image of its sister's stairwell graces the center of the house, this one decorated with a large multi-colored stained glass window on which sash weights and cables have been replaced.



8. "Here, you'll discover one of the world's most beautiful natural wonders; giant columns stretching from floor to ceiling, delicate soda straws glistening with minerals, tiny cave pearls hidden in crystal-clear water."

Here you'll discover one of the world's most beautiful natural wonders: giant columns stretching from floor to ceiling, delicate soda straws glistening with minerals, tiny cave pearls hidden in crystal-clear water.



9. "This is a unique opportunity to discover the substantial Roman, Saxon and Medieval remains beneath Chester."

This is a unique opportunity to discover substantial Roman, Saxon, and Medieval remains beneath Chester.



10. "The murder of Thomas Becket in Canterbury Cathedral on the instructions of Henry II in 1170, was a defining moment for Christianity in England, and specifically Kent."

The murder of Thomas Becket in Canterbury Cathedral on the instructions of Henry II in 1170 was a defining moment for Christianity in England and specifically Kent.

Many of these sentences could be improved in other ways, but I'll save those for another blog.

Book Review: Writing Clearly and Effectively by Michael L. Murdock

As the author states in the preface, Writing Clearly and Effectively is meant for business people, but it is also useful for everyone. Like Strunk and White's Elements of Style, it is a short book, but filled with information. Murdock, because he's writing for business people, includes information about audience levels, such as professional and paraprofessional in the first chapter. Next he focuses on composition in general, with chapters titled "Getting Started" and "Principles of Clear Writing." Then he discusses common errors in grammar, syntax, punctuation, word usage, gives guidelines in punctuation, spelling, mechanics, and tenses. The appendices include more instruction on grammar, plus specific information about different types of business writing, proofreading symbols, and common abbreviations. The next section is a list of grammar and word usage exercises. The book ends with advice on college application essay writing.
This book is business-like in tone but not offputting. The business writing-specific information, especially the examples of jargon, and exercises in the appendices are particularly helpful. This is also a good reference book for those details of usage that are difficult to remember.

Note

Murdock, Michael L. Writing Clearly and Effectively. 2nd ed. Washington, D.C.: Transemantics Incorporated, 1987.