Clutter and Conciseness

Clutter is simply too many words for the meaning. Sometimes it comes in the form of too many overused expressions, or passive verbs, or too many prepositional phrases, or garbled sentence structure. However it appears, it clogs up things and makes it difficult for the reader, and, ultimately, the writer, because what's the good of writing when your writing doesn't communicate properly?

Quiz

1. Make this sentence from an Elements of Style example more concise: "The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance" (25).

2. In which novel do the following minor characters appear? Sir Harry Otway, Mrs. Butterworth, Mr. Floyd

Answers to the previous post's quiz:

1. I will always remember my first visit to Boston.
2. The characters Mr. Skimpole, Mr. Krook, Miss Flite, Mr. Carstone, and Mr. Bucket appear in Charles Dickens' Bleak House.

Active Verbs, Adjectives, and Conciseness

We can make sentences more concise through using active verbs and adjectives. Here are some examples . . . and non-chain store names and other names have been changed.

1. "At Morgan Tile you won't find anything that is normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique."

At Morgan Tile you won't find anything normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique.

2. "Their focus is on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as the block panel or wallpaper tile."

They focus on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as block panel or wallpaper tile.

3. "The team of Morgan Tile puts first and foremost upscale design and products and wants to make sure all products in your home reflect their motto--creating great design."

The Morgan Tile team puts upscale design and products first and foremost to make sure your home reflects their motto--creating great design.

4. "A period parlor is complemented with tied-back lace curtains; recently milled window frames are indistinguishable from original."

Tied-back lace curtains complement a period parlor; recently milled window frames remain indistinguishable from original.

5. "This is extremely helpful in the instance you become lost or have an emergency."

This is extremely helpful in case you become lost or have an emergency.

6. "One of these brought in the home or left in a vehicle can begin to decay and smell horribly after a short time."

One of these brought into a house or left in a vehicle soon can begin to decay and smell horribly.

7. "Fred Brown, an architect from South Carolina famous for many award winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italianate."

Fred Brown, a South Carolina architect famous for many award-winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italinate.

8. "An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry located at the front of the home and direct access to the front porch, providing an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax."

An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry at the home's front door and direct front porch access, provides an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax.

9. "There is no better way to celebrate the rebirth of Galveston than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by the hands of our own Galvestonian trade."

There is no better way to celebrate Galveston's rebirth than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by Galvestonians.

10. "The homes are between 2,000 and 2,300 and offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards."

The 2,000-to-2,300 feet homes offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards.

Conciseness

Conciseness is important. You'll lose readers if there are too many words for the meaning. I give examples of unconcise sentences, then the sentences corrected. The examples are all from publications, but I'm not including documentation this time!

1. "The Nature Center on the north side has been turned into a Welcome Center manned by volunteers from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday."

The north side's Nature Center is now a Welcome Center staffed by volunteers from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

2. "Sixty of the 150 original beachside camp sites have been salvaged fronting the road that runs east-west."

Sixty of the original beachside campsites fronting the east-west road have been salvaged.

3. "Or, take your kitchen, for example."

Consider your kitchen.

4. "Oak kitchen cabinetry reaches to high ceilings, and a hanging pot rack above accents a large central island, also of Ipe wood."

Oak kitchen cabinetry reaches to high celings, and a haning pot rack above accents a large central Ipe wood island.

5. "Wildlife is abundant in the rolling hills surrounding the cave, providing you the opportunity to catch a glimpse of a whitetail deer, turkey, or other Ozarks' wildlife."

The rolling hills surrounding the cave provide you with glimpses of whitetail deer, turkey, or other Ozark wildlife.

6. "In addition to the three major lakes in our rea, anglers also have the opportunity to fish for rainbow trout in the clear waters of Spring Creek in Tuscumbia."

Besides our area's three major lakes, Anglers can also fish for rainbow trout in the clear waters of Tuscumbia's Spring Creek.

7. "At KA-DO-HA Indian Village, you will be able to gaze backward into time and see beautifully molded and decorated pottery, pipes and expertly chipped flint, all fashioned by hand by these artistic people."

At KA-DO-HA Indian Village, you will gaze back in time and see beautifully molded and decorated pottery, pipes, and expertly chipped flint, all hand-crafted by these artistic people.

8. "The Beck Building galleries are classically proportioned and designed as a vast sweep of rooms that lead from one collection specialty to the next."

The classically proportioned Beck Building galleries lead from one collection speciality to the next.

9. "The most complete collection in the world of Mr. Handy's personal papers and artifacts are housed in the museum."

The museum houses the complete collection of Mr. Handy's personal papers and artifacts.

10. "Deva is the Roman fortress built almost 2,000 years ago which now lies buried beneath the hustle and bustle of modern day Chester."

Deva, the Roman fortress built almost 2,000 years ago, lies buried beneath the hustle and bustle of modern Chester.