Words That Aren't Words

There are some words that aren't really words--they're collections of letters that spring up and don't really mean anything and certainly don't add anything no matter what we're speaking or writing about. Impactful is an example of this. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a poor version of the word impact which itself is used incorrectly as much or more as it is used correctly. What people are getting at when they use impactful and when they use impact incorrectly is that something has an affect or an influence. Well, if that's what you mean, say it--don't rely on inaccurate usage or made-up words. We're too intelligent a people to not write well and speak well for our readers, hearers, clients and customers, and ourselves.

Book Review: Words That Sell

Richard Bayan's Words That Sell is not just for business people, tho' it is helpful. It's a niche thesaurus for anyone who needs to jumpstart persuasive writing. Bayan divides the book into chapters focused on need--leads, for example--and word type, such as authentic.

Note

Bayan, Richard. Words That Sell. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2006.

Misplaced Punctuation

Sometimes punctuation is misplaced or left out altogether, as in the following sentences:

"The nostalgic impact of the Dewey Hotel, the Tom Mix Museum and Prairie Song Village has served as a drawing card for history buffs and tourists to wander and browse the many antique shops and delightful specialty stores."

Now, are the Tom Mix Museum and Prairie Song Village connected? It's difficult to know since there isn't a comma after the word Museum, and that confuses the reader. If those places aren't connected, let the reader know by putting a comma in the proper place:

The nostalgic impact of the Dewey H0tel, the Tom Mix Museum, and Prairie Song Village has served as a drawing card for history buffs and tourists to wander and browse the many antique shops and delightful specialty stores.

Commas do not go between two independent clauses:

"Just prior to World War I, Joe Bartles went to Washington, D. C., to offer land north of Dewey for an airplane factory and flying school, the offer was accepted."

There is more than one way to correct that problem. You could turn the sentence into two separate sentences by adding a period, or you could replace the comma with a semi-colon, or the word and and a comma. Or you could use a dash, which would add some drama, but that is unnecessary given the context of the information.

Just prior to World War I, Joe Bartles went to Washington, D.C., to offer land north of Dewey for an airplane factory and flying school. The offer was accepted.

Just prior to World War I, Joe Bartles went to Washington, D.C., to offer land north of Dewey for an airplane factory and flying school; the offer was accepted.

Just prior to World War I, Joe Bartles went to Washington, D.C., to offer land north of Dewey for an airplane factory and flying school, and the offer was accepted.

Repetition Problems and Punctuation Problems

There's no need to repeat words too close together when they're implicit in one idea and needed for another, as in the following example:

"Since opening its doors in 1909, the historic and elegant St. Anthony has accommodated legendary personalities, including presidents and Hollywood's "Golden Era" celebrities. The elegant décor and historic value are present today to offer guests timeless elegance, comfort, modern conveniences, and a great location to experience the River Walk. Be a part of San Antonio's Grand Tradition, and reserve your place in history today."

Why tell the reader that the hotel is historic and elegant when the décor and value are better served by those words, especially when the reader will get the idea in general from the mention of the year of the hotel's opening and the reference to "presidents and Hollywood's "Golden Era" celebrities"? And why use "elegant" and "elegance" in the same sentence? The use of the word "history" in the last sentence works because it's tying in the readers with the guests in the first sentence to cause the readers to be even more interested in staying there on a visit to the city.

With changes, the paragraph reads

Since opening its doors in 1909, the St. Anthony has accommodated legendary personalities, including presidents and Hollywood's "Golden Era" celebrities. The elegant décor and historic value are present today to offer guests timeless glamour, comfort, modern conveniences, and a great location to experience the River Walk. Be part of San Antonio's Grand Tradition, and reserve your place in history today.

Repetition can also occur in ideas, rather than words, as in this sentence:

"With the support and commitment of so many community stakeholders, we continue to thrive as a competitive urban center, without losing sight of our historical roots."

The idea of history is inherent in the word "roots" as used in this context, so why include it?

The sentence without repetition reads

With the support and commitment of so many community stakeholders, we continue to thrive as a competitive urban center, without losing sight of our roots.

The semi-colon is for separating independent clauses. Any other use, such as in the following examples, doesn't communicate well:

"Our citizens come from diverse backgrounds, yet we were unified in a single promise; a promise for a better life here in our Kyle community."

Why the semi-colon? The words after it do not make up an independent clause, and besides being incorrect, the semi-colon certainly doesn't convey the strength of the idea that the author is looking for. There is, of course, more than one way to correct the problem, but the sentence as written below has the impact the writer seeks:

Our citizens come from diverse backgrounds, yet we were unified in a single promise: a promise for a better life here in our Kyle community.

(Why the past tense--"we were unified"? Shouldn't they still be "unified in a single promise" or has the sell-by date come and gone?)

Semi-c0lons do not belong in lists of things:

"The district features a state-of-the-art Performing Arts Center; a dual-language magnet program at two elementary campuses; advanced placement courses and a variety of career and tech courses at the secondary level; and music, art, library, and computer lab included in the weekly rotation at the elementary level."

Don't underestimate the readers--they can find their way through the listings when there is correct punctuation:

The district features a state-of-the-art Performing Arts Center, a dual-language magnet program at two elementary campuses, advanced placement courses and a variety of career and tech courses at the secondary level, and music, art, library, and computer lab included in the weekly rotation at the elementary level.

Review: Karen Elizabeth Gordon's The Transitive Vampire and The Well-Tempered Sentence

Yep, I've got some catching up to do after taking a week off. I was out of town a few days, then thought I'd just wait 'til today . . . .

Two good reference books are Karen Elizabeth Gordon's The Transitive Vampire and The Well-Tempered Sentence. The first covers all aspects of grammar and the first all aspects of punctuation. Both explain their subjects well and include gothicky, hilarious examples analagous to Edward Gorey's animations that begin episodes of PBS' "Mystery!"

Copyediting and Sentence Combining

Copyediting includes deleting words in individual sentences to make them more concise, but sometimes it's helpful to combine sentences when the thoughts are close enough.

1. "It's been over six months since Hurricane Ike devastated our island. And with it, our homes, our businesses and our lives--all turned as topsy-turvy as the contents of our dwellings when the floodwaters subsided."

It's been over six months since Hurricane Ike devastated our island and with it our homes, our businesses, and our lives--all turned as topsy-turvy as the contents of our dwellings when the floodwaters subsided.


2. "In that time, we've seen remarkable changes occur, the result of the remarkable spirit of generostiy and neighborliness that represents the best of us humans. From the very beginning, with the army of boom trucks that descended upon us from, literally, all over the United States, to help begin to untangle the snarled chaos that had been our electrical grid, to the throng of young people here from various schools and churches during their Spring Break to help us clean up."

In that time, we've seen remarkable changes occur, the result of the remarkable spirit of generosity and neighborliness that represents the best of us humans from the very beginning, with the army of boom trucks that descended upon us from, literally, all over the United States, to help begin to untangle the snarled chaos that had been our electrical grid, to the throng of young people here from various schools and churches during their Spring Break to help us clean up.

3. "And yet it is just that--the impermanence of things, change--that I want to discuss as we move towards the creation of our own authentic homes. Because Ike has given us the perfect opportunity to rearrange our homes, our lives, ourselves into new arrangements and patterns that suit us more."

And yet it is just that--the impermanence of things, change--that I want to discuss as we move towards the creation of our own authentic homes, because Ike has given us the perfect opportunity to rearrange our homes, our lives, ourselves in to new arrangements and patterns that suit us more.

Active Verbs, Adjectives, and Conciseness

We can make sentences more concise through using active verbs and adjectives. Here are some examples . . . and non-chain store names and other names have been changed.

1. "At Morgan Tile you won't find anything that is normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique."

At Morgan Tile you won't find anything normally available at Home Depot or Lowe's; the inventory is quite unique.

2. "Their focus is on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as the block panel or wallpaper tile."

They focus on porcelain tile that's different and just plain beautiful, such as block panel or wallpaper tile.

3. "The team of Morgan Tile puts first and foremost upscale design and products and wants to make sure all products in your home reflect their motto--creating great design."

The Morgan Tile team puts upscale design and products first and foremost to make sure your home reflects their motto--creating great design.

4. "A period parlor is complemented with tied-back lace curtains; recently milled window frames are indistinguishable from original."

Tied-back lace curtains complement a period parlor; recently milled window frames remain indistinguishable from original.

5. "This is extremely helpful in the instance you become lost or have an emergency."

This is extremely helpful in case you become lost or have an emergency.

6. "One of these brought in the home or left in a vehicle can begin to decay and smell horribly after a short time."

One of these brought into a house or left in a vehicle soon can begin to decay and smell horribly.

7. "Fred Brown, an architect from South Carolina famous for many award winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italianate."

Fred Brown, a South Carolina architect famous for many award-winning beach cottages, introduces his home in a Coastal Vernacular design which meets Galveston's historic Italinate.

8. "An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry located at the front of the home and direct access to the front porch, providing an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax."

An open library concept, with built-in cabinetry at the home's front door and direct front porch access, provides an exceptional indoor/outdoor space to sit, read, and relax.

9. "There is no better way to celebrate the rebirth of Galveston than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by the hands of our own Galvestonian trade."

There is no better way to celebrate Galveston's rebirth than showing off the Idea House, a masterpiece designed by a native Texan and built by Galvestonians.

10. "The homes are between 2,000 and 2,300 and offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards."

The 2,000-to-2,300 feet homes offer three bedrooms with a ground-floor master unit and two-car garage with private back or side yards.