Conciseness

Conciseness is important. You'll lose readers if there are too many words for the meaning. I give examples of unconcise sentences, then the sentences corrected. The examples are all from publications, but I'm not including documentation this time!

1. "The Nature Center on the north side has been turned into a Welcome Center manned by volunteers from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday."

The north side's Nature Center is now a Welcome Center staffed by volunteers from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

2. "Sixty of the 150 original beachside camp sites have been salvaged fronting the road that runs east-west."

Sixty of the original beachside campsites fronting the east-west road have been salvaged.

3. "Or, take your kitchen, for example."

Consider your kitchen.

4. "Oak kitchen cabinetry reaches to high ceilings, and a hanging pot rack above accents a large central island, also of Ipe wood."

Oak kitchen cabinetry reaches to high celings, and a haning pot rack above accents a large central Ipe wood island.

5. "Wildlife is abundant in the rolling hills surrounding the cave, providing you the opportunity to catch a glimpse of a whitetail deer, turkey, or other Ozarks' wildlife."

The rolling hills surrounding the cave provide you with glimpses of whitetail deer, turkey, or other Ozark wildlife.

6. "In addition to the three major lakes in our rea, anglers also have the opportunity to fish for rainbow trout in the clear waters of Spring Creek in Tuscumbia."

Besides our area's three major lakes, Anglers can also fish for rainbow trout in the clear waters of Tuscumbia's Spring Creek.

7. "At KA-DO-HA Indian Village, you will be able to gaze backward into time and see beautifully molded and decorated pottery, pipes and expertly chipped flint, all fashioned by hand by these artistic people."

At KA-DO-HA Indian Village, you will gaze back in time and see beautifully molded and decorated pottery, pipes, and expertly chipped flint, all hand-crafted by these artistic people.

8. "The Beck Building galleries are classically proportioned and designed as a vast sweep of rooms that lead from one collection specialty to the next."

The classically proportioned Beck Building galleries lead from one collection speciality to the next.

9. "The most complete collection in the world of Mr. Handy's personal papers and artifacts are housed in the museum."

The museum houses the complete collection of Mr. Handy's personal papers and artifacts.

10. "Deva is the Roman fortress built almost 2,000 years ago which now lies buried beneath the hustle and bustle of modern day Chester."

Deva, the Roman fortress built almost 2,000 years ago, lies buried beneath the hustle and bustle of modern Chester.